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Day 7 of Unequivocal Happiness

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. This happiness project.

I was certain I could at least get through 7 days (one measly week) tuned in and lit up with happiness. But nooooo! It was as if this week was determined to throw me curve balls, just to knock me off my happiness game.

My biggest obstacle was overwhelm. And fear. And failure.

My business, Firecracker Communications, is going through a transition right now where I’m on a tight timeline, and I have several huge creative projects that demand my most brilliant, groundbreaking work. And this week, my brilliance was on vacation. It just wasn’t happening.

I couldn’t find my groove. Everything I wrote felt… wrong. I’d stop and start and stop again, dissatisfied with what I was creating. And feeling like a fucking fraud.

I’m a copywriter, for god’s sake, yet I couldn’t write my own copy. At least, not copy that was any good.

And this made me very unhappy.

And super stressed. And by the end of the day on Monday, after being told by a specialist I had a bladder infection and I should go on antibiotics (which is never a good thing for me) and struggling mightily to write one paragraph worthy of being on my new webpage, and being pulled into a pit of fear by a conversation with a friend, I was anything but happy.

I was scared, frustrated and overwhelmed.

And mad. Because it was almost 8:00 pm and I hadn’t had a chance to sing, something I so wanted and needed to do. And this, too, made me feel like a failure. Like I was losing out and unable to manage all the responsibilities of my life.

But rather than sink into a hole of despair and self-pity, I fired up my new gas barbeque, the one my dear friend and ex-husband had bought me the week before. And for the first time in my life, I barbequed my own burger. And it was good.

There was something about that simple act that lifted me up and soothed my jangled nerves and reminded me of how blessed I am.

The last two days have been doozies as well. More fear and frustration around work. And money. More doubt about whether I’m doing the right thing. Then, an herbal tincture given to me by my natropath (for that aforementioned infection) that kept me up all night last night. A night when I certainly could have used a long, deep night of blissful sleep.

But I’m still determined. I’m not giving up my happiness quest.

These blips and snags are showing me how I get caught in thoughts, beliefs and worries that keep me from my joy. That joy that is unconditional and always available. If I choose to tap into it. Own it. Have it.

So. Day 7. On almost no sleep, I’m rising up and tuning in to that joy. Now.

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